I didn’t see this coming: People who didn’t understand what No Contact actually is and wanted to lecture me about how I should “find a way to get along.”

#2. – Being Preached At By Others for “Not Being Able To Get Along”

I had a scant few of these, but I surely didn’t see this coming: People who didn’t understand what No Contact actually is and wanted to lecture me about “putting my kids first” and how I should “figure out a way to get along.”

Well, those of us who have survived an abuser understand that there is no such thing as “getting along.” You are either submissive or you are punished. What they also failed to understand was that, by putting my own peace and emotional safety in a priority position, I was putting my kids first. I was caring for my children alone while he was 1,000 miles away doing whatever he damn well pleased, including terrorizing me for the heinous sin of divorcing him.

By blocking his ability to draw me into his crazy whenever he wanted, I was able to be more present, calmer, and more available for my children.

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Aubrey Cole

Aubrey Cole

I survived a quarter century of psychological, emotional, economic and sexual abuse. When I got out, I vowed to help others do the same and founded the Emotional Abuse Survivors Network project in 2012. Now, I offer hope and healing to others on their journey as they rediscover themselves. My forthcoming books, Bodies in the Basement and Define Winning, chronicle my experiences, escape, and recovery. There is nothing so special about me that others can't emerge and thrive.

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  Want to learn more about No Contact? Check out the Healing Academy Module.

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