Toxic people both demean and overemphasize health and self-care. While being criticized for not healing and for trying to heal, I’d be told I’d die a horrible, slow, young death.
I wanted to talk to you how toxic people push us beyond our limits in the name of “facing our fears”. They push us so far that we get into panic mode.
I think one of my mother’s favorite defenses was: I was only trying to help. It is a great anger stopper. How can you continue to yell at someone who was only trying to help? However misguided the help, she was acting with the best of intentions. Right? Wrong!
When abuse never takes any physical form, it can be tough to feel sure it ever happened. After all, everybody makes mistakes… no parent is perfect. Right?
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I dislike that saying, because guess what: it was words that beat me to a pulp every day
No one reading this who has experience with an abuser, particularly narcissistic parents, is surprised by this. That in itself is tragic.
There are people who will aim others at their chosen target. This gang mentality is a way to rationalize the abuse since it isn’t being delivered directly.
In my experience it has been far harder to deal with the Flying Monkey, than with the actual abuser(s). I felt far more confused, hurt and unbalanced after encounters, than I did for example in the aftermath of no contact.
My early life was very confusing. I was always told off and yet most of the time I knew I had done nothing wrong. Being the daughter of a single mother I often wished that my father was there to protect me, but I didn’t know him. He left my mother before I could recollect any memories of him.
Even when survivors distance themselves from a toxic person, we often still hear their voice in our heads, drowning out our own inner-voice and reaffirming the doubt that was planted a long time ago. In effect, we have a bully in our head.