The idea that abuse does not happen behind white picket fences or always leaves bruises is just something we tell ourselves. It makes it easier to process. It means we can think of an abuser as a monster, instead of a neighbor.
For the longest time I thought there was something inherently wrong with me. I never thought I could be happy.
When we talk about SwanWaters, we often explain it as a place of support and validation. There is a reason why we specifically highlight validation, because it fulfills a multitude of important functions in the process of recovery.
Co-parenting requires both parents to have rational discussions about raising children.
Just as “domestic violence” is sometimes misunderstood as being physical beatings only, boundaries are sometimes misunderstood as being confrontational.
“I am going to come out and say this: my parents are not nice people! They are excellent actors, and within their community they are respected and even admired. Behind closed doors they scheme and lie.” It has taken M years to find a way to deal with her parents.
When you find yourself in an emotionally abusive situation that you cannot, or are not ready to leave it is important that you start putting up some boundaries. These will protect you from the abuse, and can help you get started on your healing journey.
Many survivors of abuse chose to “go no contact” with their abuser. It is a state in which we deny the abuser direct access to us. We are often accused of selfishness (especially those who cut contact with their parents or siblings), but no contact is not about the abuser.