By far the hardest thing to manage after you have escaped abuse and gone No Contact is your own mental boundaries. There are likely many ways to achieve retraining your thoughts, but I found four that were very successful for me.
One reasons why within recovery boundaries are so important, is that abusers don’t do boundaries. They see their targets as an extension of themselves.
Limited contact does not always work, it is tricky to maintain. Toxic people are notorious for not respecting your boundaries, so why would they this time?
A picture is a freeze frame, a moment perfectly preserved. But does that picture represent what is actually going on? Or is it used to manipulate perceptions, and make life seems something different than it is?
Negative experiences are part of life, and they do not really mean anything. Most people can shrug these experiences off quite easily, but with a bully in your head, it is all too easy to follow your own thoughts down the Whirlpool of Depression. So what we need to do is evict the bully! Shut them up and we will be able to simply move past the negative experience and continue on our merry way.
In this podcast about my no contact anniversary, I talk about more complicated emotions like anger and guilt, and how sometimes we feel tired of recovery.
There are a few reasons why celebrating your success is important. All of them are worth your while, and all of them will make your healing journey easier.
Here’s where the uninformed become proxy abusers: when they assume that No Contact is another version of “I’m punishing you so I’m not going to talk to you.”
There are people who will aim others at their chosen target. This gang mentality is a way to rationalize the abuse since it isn’t being delivered directly.
This is not about arguing what’s right or wrong, or what’s in the legal orders. Those things are black and white. This is about CREATING modes of attack when all other means have been exhausted.