I am in my early fifties and have always known there was something wrong with my mother. My mother never encouraged me to be what I wanted, rather to be what she wanted me to be. I was the family caretaker, the empathizer, the fixer and confidante instead of ever being a daughter who was loved.
Three years ago I realized that my mother would never change from being the selfish and ungrateful person she is. She is unable to accept responsibility for any decision she ever made. I made a critical choice at that time, I would no longer be in her life and more to the point she would no longer be in mine. This is a decision that has totally turned my life around.
On the Right Path
Never managing to accomplish any achievements in the working world I am now turning things around. I have already done a year at college to gain some qualifications, because deep down I know I can prove my worthiness to myself and those I hope to help in the future. Most of all I feel a happiness and contentment because at last I am on the right path, a path that will help me make a difference to women like me.
My mother did not appreciate my efforts to cut her out and many times she left me voice mails to say I should listen to her and not other people, that I never let her defend herself, but I did listen to her for many, many years and lived to regret it. For the first time ever I began to feel empowered that I had a choice and was exercising my right to make it.
A Sense of Being Overwhelmed
I remember feeling so overwhelmed by all the memories that surfaced and making sense of them. It sent me on a downward spiral for a while, the pain, the hurt, the realization that everything was all a lie and this included relatives she made up. I didn’t know how much more I could take until I found a community who gave me an insight into how my trouble parent operates. What I discovered there was that my mother wasn’t the only raging, verbally and emotionally abusive woman around, there are thousands of them out there, and from then on I knew I was not the only one, I had sisters and that is what has changed my life.
Feeling Connected for the First Time
I have also found a wonderful group of women to connect and work with and all this because I chose to say No to my mother.For me cutting contact was the hardest and bravest decision I ever made and I am so thankful I did.
If you are reading this I hope it inspires you to know:
1. You are not alone
2. We are here to support you
3. There is life after emotional abuse
4. Your life can be yours