Get Out & Stay Out

Freedom concept. Escaping from the cage

Leaving an abusive situation is hard!

Leaving your abuser is not a clear cut process. It is tough. It takes on average 7 attempts for a target to leave their abuser.

Get help by finding out more about no contact, dealing with parenting issues and proxy abusers.

This is a great way to claim success. As is connecting to fellow survivors for support and validation.

In the process of leaving or struggling to stay away from an ex-partner or parent? You are in the right place.

Join the DiscussionHere you will:

  • Find out the do’s and don’ts of no contact
  • Identify and deal with proxy abusers
  • Learn strategies to co-parent with a toxic ex
  • Deal with family dynamic after no contact
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More Articles Like These

Below is an overview of articles that will help you when you are getting out of the abusive situation, and while you are begin building your new life. We don’t just talk about getting out, we also talk about staying out. Don’t be fooled staying out is not as easy as it sounds and it takes on average 7 attempts for a target to leave an abuser. So, be kind to yourself and take all the help you can get! Join our Community of Survivors to talk about your story and get the support you need to cut ties.

3 1 getting out

Getting Out

Leaving an abuser is no easy task. Not just because of the likely increase of abuse but also because we have emotional connections to our abusers. Here is some information on the specific push and pull of the abusive relationship

The Road Less Traveled: Getting Out and Staying Out (Part 1)

The Cat and the Mouse

Why You Should Leave an Abuser (podcast)

Victim vs. Survivor: What’s in a Name?

Preparing Your Escape from Abuse

Why Did She Not Leave? – 4 Forms of Imprisonment in Toxic Relationships

Stockholm Syndrome and Emotional Abuse

3 2 no contact

No Contact

No contact is often misunderstood as being punishment for our abuser. It is in fact a way to protect ourselves from further abuse and create a safe place for our healing.

No Contact 101 (video)

5 Things I Did Not Expect from No Contact

A Pond of Guilt

Channeling “The Juice” – How a Bad 80s Song Helped Me Go No Contact

Gaining Your Online Freedom

No Contact is Not as Simple as It Sounds (podcast)

The Day that Forever Changed My Life 

The Day that Forever Changed My Life – Part 2 (podcast)

The Internalized Mirage: 3 Reasons You “Miss” the Abuser

The Do’s and Don’ts of No Contact (podcast)

3 3 going gets tough

When the Going Gets Tough

The road of recovery knows many peaks and valleys. On days when you face particular challenges, when you feel you cannot go on, or even when you have to deal with your abuser… Here are some ideas and tactics to help you deal and strengthen your resolve to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

3 Small Ways to Turn the Tide on a Bad Day

My Reasons for Recovery

How To Tell The Difference Between Intuition And Fear

Owning My Story With Survivor Pride

The Pain I Inflicted

The Balance Between being Prepared and Being Anxious

Zen and the Art of Venting

The SwanWaters Guide to Happy Holidays

5 Ways Expectations Hurt our Holidays

3 4 tough stuff

Blame, Guilt, Shame, Doubt… The Tough Stuff

There is a lot of icky emotions and feelings to deal with. Guilt, blame, anger, shame, doubt… all those feeling that make us feel uncomfortable. We may feel like pushing it all down, so we don’t have to go through it all. Trust us, if you do that it will all come spilling out in 10 fold later on. Better to face the music and process this all.

Blame and Responsibility

Guilt vs. Shame – 3 Ways to Unravel Their Emotional Grip

The Heart of Loneliness

The Evolution of Guilt After Cutting Contact

Heartbreak of Emotionally Abusive Parents

Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys

How to Stay Resilient When Bombarded With Negative Emotions

Pondering Grief and Death

The Beach, My Soul, and My Shame

The Invincible Triggers

When Your Past Creeps Up On You

Find more resources on this topic here.

3 5 prepare for healing

Preparing Yourself for Healing

Leaving your abuser is a big step in empowering yourself. However, there is still much more healing to do. These articles will get you started on that journey and will help you prepare yourself for the work that lies ahead.

Healing Is a Skill

Becoming a Mental Ninja: Healing Through Mind Management

How to Stop Self-Sabotage and Continue Healing 

The Four States of Awareness

Recovery Roller Coaster: The Ups and Downs of Abuse Recovery

3 6 parenting after abuse

Parenting With a Toxic Ex or After an Abusive Childhood

When there are children in the picture, you will want some help dealing with their trauma and learn of ways to deal with your toxic ex. We have resources for that as well! Also, we recommend that you read some of the articles about toxic families so you can better understand the dynamic that your children were perhaps dealing with.

Co-Parenting with a Toxic Person (podcast)

Stopping the Cycle of Abuse: Re-Parenting Your Kids and Even Yourself

The Do’s and Don’ts of Co-Parenting With a Narcissist

The Road Less Traveled: Getting Out and Staying Out (Part 2)

4 Hard Lessons about the Abuser, Kids, and Holidays (about visitation, also useful when it is not December)

Kid Detox: 3 Ways to Break the Abuse Cycle

Resilience for Children

3 7 proxy abuse

Flying Monkeys (Abuse by Proxy)

Abusers rarely abuse alone. They recruit people to reinforce and even perform some of the abuse. They may use the courts to continue the abuse during and after the divorce for example. Here is some information on how to spot the proxy abusers, and how to deal with them.

How To Spot a Flying Monkey

Smoke and Mirrors – Fighting the Abuser’s Proxy Narrative

They Just Don’t Get It – Victim Blaming and No Contact

Why a Flying Monkey Messes With Your Mind

You Know What? This is About ME!

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