I just finished listening to the Live Facebook video of Hay House Radio Show: Loving Yourself to Great Health. Host Heather Dane and I know each other, and I always enjoy listening to and reading about her insights into healing and happiness. This week’s episode was entitled: Toxic Relationships: How to Heal. So, of course I just HAD to listen to it!
Heather Dane and Dr. Mona Lisa Schulz talk about toxic relationships in this 1 hour broadcast, and I know you are going to connect to a lot of the things they say here.
I will include the video, but also recommend you read the accompanying article on Heather’s website, since it shares even more information and tips.
Below the video are some of the stories and observations that came to my mind as I listened, I hope you will share some of your thoughts and reactions too.
The Hay House Radio Show and Recap
Toxic Relationships and Our Health
While I was listening to this episode, my brain was firing on all cylinders. I have struggled with self-care and various vague and mysterious health issues for years, like I know many of us have. When I first came across the ACE study a few years back, that was a real eye-opener. I was not crazy when I felt there was a link between my health and my family of origins. It started to make sense that my health typically got worse when I would be around them. I love how Mona Lisa compares it to radiation exposure. The more you expose yourself to the toxin, the more you will feel the effects.
When I look at my health, my problems really stared when I was run over my a truck at age 12. I went from being an active kid to barely being able to walk. I am not just talking about the 9 months of recovery, I am talking about all the years since. To this day I have inflammation and pain in my legs, that no doctor has been able to explain. I started gaining weight (regardless what my mother said, I was not a big kid) and began to seriously struggle with depression and lost self-esteem.
I realize that the accident in itself was a traumatic event, but the toxic relationships in my family really added to the stress and impact.
When Heather mentions in the show that holding someone’s hand with whom you feel safe and loved can help you heal, I nearly started crying. It took my parents about 7 hours to get to the hospital. I have no idea why that was. My school knew within moments, they contacted my parent’s workplaces that were both with an hour’s drive. Yet, I had an accident around 8 in the morning and they showed up at my hospital bed around 3 pm. My sister (who had been taken to the hospital by the deputy head of my school) commented on that years later, and how she thought it was strange they did not apologize for being so late.
When Heather and Mona Lisa talk about the feeling of not being safe, and the toxicity that this brings to our bodies and minds, I think that surely applies here. This was a moment, and the first moment, in my life where I was confronted with real danger, with the reality of injury and even death (I was the 7th person to be run over in that spot that year, and the first to survive). The people who were supposed to help me deal with that, make me feel supported and loved, my parents, failed me in that moment and in the process of recovery too.
They have treated my recovery and lingering health issues as inconveniences (more on this here), making me feel like I was to blame and somehow failing them for not healing better or quicker. It turns out that perhaps the more they made me feel like that, the more they impaired my ability to heal?
I guess there is more thinking and considering to do on this topic yet. I do notice though that with every realization of another link, another influence, it is becoming easier to heal. It helps me see how health and self-care is tied into PTSD, how it can trigger me causing more stress on my body and mind.
This part has been the hardest on my personal journey of healing, and it is something I am still very much in the middle of.
Some Articles That Touch Upon These Topics
Here are some resources that touch upon the topics that were discussed in this broadcast. They will help you further your understanding and perhaps give you a little bit of a different perspective too.
Last week was World Gratitude Day. That’s why I posted this to the SwanWaters Facebook group:
This Wednesday is World Gratitude Day, so I wanted to just post this little meme about being thankful.
It may seem really strange, but there is part of me that is happy about the way my life started, because I am so grateful for the place it let me get to. Sure, I am still cracked in places, but I think many of the character traits I love about myself are also the result of the strength it took to overcome the trauma.
Who would I have been without the abusive childhood. I have no idea! All I know is, I would not have been the me I am now… and I am pretty happy with the results of my hard work.
So, how do you feel about gratitude? What are your favorite quotes on the topic? Share you thoughts below.
Heather and Mona Lisa also discuss the idea of being grateful for both the positive and negative in our lives. It is difficult though, it has to be said.
We have written about this here:
I love this quote from Aubrey: There is no more powerless feeling on earth than having someone create a persona of you that is the polar opposite of who you truly are.
But isn’t that the entire abuse system?
Dealing with Toxic People guarantees you deal with lies being told about you. It is tough to deal with! It feels so unfair and how do you defend yourself against the lies that people believe, but also from the lies that YOU believe about yourself?!
We have written about that here:
Also, join this discussion on the forum: Not the lies they tell, the ones that are believed!