When I was finally able to talk about the abuse without becoming angry or vengeful, I realized that something in me had shifted, that I had started healing

The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.
Elie Weisel

Like most people, I spent many years believing that the opposite of love was hate. At the extremes of the spectrum, you either love someone or you hate them. When someone does wrong to you, it’s common for others to assume you hate the person who hurt you. In fact, the more I write, the more people are astounded when they find out that I truly do not hold hatred for the man who abused both me and my children. Let me clarify that before moving on, so you don’t stop there!

I despise my ex-husband’s behavior.  If he were ever convicted of all the things he has done, he would rot in jail. I find him to be a reprehensible human being worthy only of my disgust. He has damaged many lives and even destroyed a couple which can never be repaired or regained, as two people are dead due to his vile behavior. He continues to lie, manipulate, steal, control, and manifest all the traits of a true psychopath (not me talking here, but clinical professionals who have reviewed my case). Regardless, the fact remains that my adopting a stance of hatred toward him would essentially be allowing him to continue the abuse.

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Aubrey Cole

Aubrey Cole

I survived a quarter century of psychological, emotional, economic and sexual abuse. When I got out, I vowed to help others do the same and founded the Emotional Abuse Survivors Network project in 2012. Now, I offer hope and healing to others on their journey as they rediscover themselves. My forthcoming books, Bodies in the Basement and Define Winning, chronicle my experiences, escape, and recovery. There is nothing so special about me that others can't emerge and thrive.


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