There are days when you think nothing would be more satisfying than stooping to their level. Please climb back up to that high road if you can manage...

…Doesn’t Mean We Shouldn’t Take It!

We all get those days, I promise. When we want to just turn around and make our abusers pay. Give them a taste of their own medicine. Get even for the latest flurry of madness. Wouldn’t it be wonderful? Screaming our lungs out, using every item of vocabulary we were taught never to use. Playing the same mean games, spreading the same kind of horrible lies?

There are days when you think nothing would be more satisfying than stooping to their level and letting her rip.

Please turn around, climb back up to that high road if you can manage… it is always the better option, even if it does not always feel it.

Here’s Why:

Your Reputation is Your Best Defence

While all those lies are being spread about you, all you have in your defense is your authentic self. It feels flimsy, I know. Trust me though, most people are seeing who you really are. The more your behavior and responses reflect the good person you are, the stronger the case against the lies becomes. The stronger you become against proxy abuse, simply because the world sees the abusers shenanigans for the smoke and mirrors they are.

Your Responses, Your Energy, Your Karma

Whatever you call it, Karma or not, I think we can all agree that positivity creates positivity. I am not saying that stupid stuff in life will stop happening when you keep your mind, energy, and behavior positive. At the very least though, you will be more open to the opportunities that present itself to you.

Previously, I have put that like this:

Negative emotions trigger our problem solving skills. We see a bear on the road ahead, all we will think of is how to survive. Run? Fight? Play dead? In other words, the fight, flight or freeze response kicks in. When we are narrow-minded like that we will constantly be in survival mode.

This is exactly the reason why we put such emphasis on positivity. Because letting the sunlight in, means you can move through the swamp, and come out the other end. It broadens our minds, allows us to get creative and build a life we love.

From A Positive Mind Is a Joy Forever

Adding Fuel To the Fire

You stooping will not just give the abuser the opportunity to say:


I told you!




It is likely also going to drive them to some sort of revenge. Because we all know that the abusers love punishing us. They love doing it when we do absolutely nothing wrong, but they also love it when they have perceived a slight from you. So stooping is just going to add fuel to that fire.

Is the possibility of 5 seconds of satisfaction really worth it?

Some Help For the Climb Back Up

Don’t misunderstand me. The anger you are feeling towards your abuser is valid. It needs venting. Holding on to that anger is a bad, very bad idea. It is just that venting at the abuser or through revenge is counter-effective. So here are a few other options to get through the anger and make your way back up to the high road.

  • Say everything you want to say (including swearing) to the wall, a photo of your abuser… Scream, Shout, Let it All Hang Out!
  • Take out some of that excess energy by punching up your pillows (my favorite) pounding the earth in your garden with a hammer (Aubrey’s favorite)…
  • Write a letter you will never send. Tell it all! How they make you feel, what you hold them responsible for. Put pen to paper and write anything that comes to mind. Keep going until you feel the anger subside.
Do you have any fail safe venting methods? Share them below for us and your fellow-survivors to give them a whirl.

You know what? At the end of the day, I want to be able to look myself straight in the eyes and know that I have given it my absolute best. That I have acted with kindness and honor. It may sound odd that I award my abuser kindness, but realize that is not about them. That is ONLY about me, and the state of my soul. It also doesn’t mean I have to put up with more abuse. It just means I don’t have to become the bully in turn…

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Having gained experience while working for a variety of European non-profits, I am proud to now work with SwanWaters. My connection with the website is not only professional. I am glad to tap into my personal experiences to help those who are living in toxic relationships whether with parents, partners or in their professional life. We need to make the world more aware of the devastating effects of emotional abuse and help more people on their way to heal and thrive.

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There are days when you think nothing would be more satisfying than stooping to their level. Please climb back up to that high road if you can manage...

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