Love Bombing

Most relationships start of in a whirlwind of excitement. Falling for someone, getting to know them and finding out how you fit together is a wonderful feeling. Unfortunately toxic people make good use of this excitement to prime you for their abuse.

Aubrey Cole and Stephen, who we first met in their podcast about toxic romance, talk to us about the process commonly referred to as love-bombing.

Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by lavish demonstrations of attention and affection. […] It has also been used to refer to abusers in romantic relationships showering their victims with praise, gifts, and affection in the early stages of a relationship (Wikipedia)

Love bombing can be hard to recognize, so Aubrey and Stephen talk about some of the warning signs.

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  1. Profile photo of CaringSis

    January 29, 2015 at 1:40 pm

    My sister has only recently told me that her NARC SOC ex said he loved her so soon in the relationship. She said he would constantly say it to her but she never felt the same. In time, she felt guilty and then said she loved him to make him feel better. He would serve her breakfast in bed in the early days. He would do so much. He lost a job in the first few months of dating her and they both went on holiday with his pay (I think she paid for her half). All changed when they had kids.

  2. Profile photo of Niamh

    January 29, 2015 at 1:47 pm

    This is excellent. Thank you both of you, there was a lot of good information here and a lot of learning.

  3. Profile photo of Aubrey Cole
    Aubrey Cole

    January 29, 2015 at 7:55 pm

    As a friend reminded me, this is exactly what cults and spiritual abusers use, as well. Great point.

  4. Profile photo of Monkey

    January 29, 2015 at 9:50 pm

    Yeah Aubrey, I was thinking that too. This applies outside romance too. I had an employer that used very similar strategies too, before proceeding to turn my life into a living hell (he was friends with my NM too, waaaah)

  5. Profile photo of Scully

    January 30, 2015 at 4:56 pm

    I have seen this is quite a few people, and indeed not always romantic interest. Sometimes even new friends come on waahaay to strong!

  6. Profile photo of Petunia

    November 14, 2015 at 2:48 pm

    Thank you for this….although I have to admit I was cringing all the way through as all the prime examples of my bombardment came up! What made my situation unique at the beginning of the relationship with the N-ex was that he was a foreigner on my turf, and could bend over backwards showering me and my family with goo-ey romantic efforts…with no accountability for his character. My dad even said, ‘he’s seems too good to be true’…BLECH, ACk….I hate these memories. One really funny example – I am embarrassed I fell for, was the ‘If there were 5 books you’d like me to read to know you better, what would they be?’ – he knew I was frustrated with the lack of intellectual stimulus in my previous relationship. He went as far as to order them on line, though I doubt now he did more than read the inside covers!


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