I decided to do something very different. I made a list of all the reasons I had for working so hard at my recovery.

I was going to write about Mother’s Day last week.  All I did was stare at my cursor for a solid hour, and nothing appeared on the page. I don’t know… maybe I was tired, maybe I was more affected than I thought…

Well… if I am honest I was a little annoyed.

See, a few weeks ago I wrote ‘For Lack of a Mother’s Love’. That was quite an emotional piece for me to write, but that’s fine. That is what we do at SwanWaters. I am also smart enough to know that – when I share my heartfelt content on social media for instance – I am not always going to receive positive and understanding messages. So it was true for this post. Some random anonymous person left the message: oh, boohoo!

The Voice of Judgment

It didn’t really upset me in the moment. I know that many people simply cannot understand what dealing with emotionally unavailable or toxic parents. They can count their lucky stars! I just went about my day, and did not give the remark another thought.

Or so I thought… Something at the back of my mind had been awakened though. Was I just lamenting my difficult childhood? Was I keeping myself stuck in the past?

I know that this is not the case. I feel the past dropping further and further away each day. I also know that helping others through sharing is a very effective method of processing my own story, and healing the trauma. So why did I let that stupid remark make me question myself?

Because it awakened my mother’s voice inside my head, I am sure.

I decided to do something very different. I made a list of all the reasons I had for working so hard at my recovery.My Personal Recovery Map

I decided to do something very different, something I have never tried before. I made a list of all the reasons I had decided to detach from my family, and my motivations for working so hard at my recovery.

This turned out to be a fantastic reminder of all the good I have created in my life (and a little of the bad I left behind) as well as remembering the goals I still have for myself. Just sitting there, considering what to add to my list. It helped me take ownership of my past and recovery again.

Why not get your crayons out, and create your very own Recovery Roadmap too!
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Having gained experience while working for a variety of European non-profits, I am proud to now work with SwanWaters. My connection with the website is not only professional. I am glad to tap into my personal experiences to help those who are living in toxic relationships whether with parents, partners or in their professional life. We need to make the world more aware of the devastating effects of emotional abuse and help more people on their way to heal and thrive.

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