I was going to write about Mother’s Day last week. All I did was stare at my cursor for a solid hour, and nothing appeared on the page. I don’t know… maybe I was tired, maybe I was more affected than I thought…
Well… if I am honest I was a little annoyed.
See, a few weeks ago I wrote ‘For Lack of a Mother’s Love’. That was quite an emotional piece for me to write, but that’s fine. That is what we do at SwanWaters. I am also smart enough to know that – when I share my heartfelt content on social media for instance – I am not always going to receive positive and understanding messages. So it was true for this post. Some random anonymous person left the message: oh, boohoo!
The Voice of Judgment
It didn’t really upset me in the moment. I know that many people simply cannot understand what dealing with emotionally unavailable or toxic parents. They can count their lucky stars! I just went about my day, and did not give the remark another thought.
Or so I thought… Something at the back of my mind had been awakened though. Was I just lamenting my difficult childhood? Was I keeping myself stuck in the past?
I know that this is not the case. I feel the past dropping further and further away each day. I also know that helping others through sharing is a very effective method of processing my own story, and healing the trauma. So why did I let that stupid remark make me question myself?
Because it awakened my mother’s voice inside my head, I am sure.
My Personal Recovery Map
I decided to do something very different, something I have never tried before. I made a list of all the reasons I had decided to detach from my family, and my motivations for working so hard at my recovery.
This turned out to be a fantastic reminder of all the good I have created in my life (and a little of the bad I left behind) as well as remembering the goals I still have for myself. Just sitting there, considering what to add to my list. It helped me take ownership of my past and recovery again.
Why not get your crayons out, and create your very own Recovery Roadmap too!
This writing exercise is part of Mags Thomson’s book Finding Your Wings, A Journaling Journey of Abuse Recovery.