I was going to write about Mother’s Day last week. All I did was stare at my cursor for a solid hour, and nothing appeared on the page. I don’t know… maybe I was tired, maybe I was more affected than I thought…
Well… if I am honest I was a little annoyed.
See, a few weeks ago I wrote ‘For Lack of a Mother’s Love’. That was quite an emotional piece for me to write, but that’s fine. That is what we do at SwanWaters. I am also smart enough to know that – when I share my heartfelt content on social media for instance – I am not always going to receive positive and understanding messages. So it was true for this post. Some random anonymous person left the message: oh, boohoo!
The Voice of Judgment
It didn’t really upset me in the moment. I know that many people simply cannot understand what dealing with emotionally unavailable or toxic parents. They can count their lucky stars! I just went about my day, and did not give the remark another thought.
Or so I thought… Something at the back of my mind had been awakened though. Was I just lamenting my difficult childhood? Was I keeping myself stuck in the past?
I know that this is not the case. I feel the past dropping further and further away each day. I also know that helping others through sharing is a very effective method of processing my own story, and healing the trauma. So why did I let that stupid remark make me question myself?
Because it awakened my mother’s voice inside my head, I am sure.
My Personal Recovery Map
I decided to do something very different, something I have never tried before. I made a list of all the reasons I had decided to detach from my family, and my motivations for working so hard at my recovery.
This turned out to be a fantastic reminder of all the good I have created in my life (and a little of the bad I left behind) as well as remembering the goals I still have for myself. Just sitting there, considering what to add to my list. It helped me take ownership of my past and recovery again.