New Years Resolutions

It has been many years since I have set New Year’s Resolutions, in fact I used to panic about any type of goal setting. Goals were just tools for my mother to make me feel like a failure. Because no matter how well or bad I did, it was never good enough. Even if I did manage to reach my goal it would be dismissed as ‘not ambitious enough’ or ‘unimportant’.

So, for a long time I just did not set goals. In my head I figured: No Goals = No Failure.

I know, I know! It does not work like that. In fact, I think I felt like a failure more, because I had no idea what constituted success. Without direction, when would you know you have arrived? Perhaps I was feeling like a failure, because all that guided me was to do lists, and as we all know those are somewhat eternal.

In the last year, I started playing around with goal setting more and more, In the last month I even recorded my ‘Goals for 2016’. They are not New Year’s Resolutions, they are the outline of where I want to go with my life. I altered my perception of a goal. Where before it was very much a number, a deadline or maybe even an intention to become a vegan yoga guru in one day flat, my goals are now much more about visualizing the life I want. Perhaps it is about prioritising family, or about feeling more in control of my workload. There are still some numbers too, but they don’t seem so intimidating. Perhaps because with the nature of the goals, my personal definition of success (and failure) has also shifted to a far kinder and loving one.

No longer do goals feel like judgemental tests of my commitment, they feel like exciting locations I have plotted on the map of my life.

Fly Free,


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Having gained experience while working for a variety of European non-profits, I am proud to now work with SwanWaters. My connection with the website is not only professional. I am glad to tap into my personal experiences to help those who are living in toxic relationships whether with parents, partners or in their professional life. We need to make the world more aware of the devastating effects of emotional abuse and help more people on their way to heal and thrive.

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  1. Profile photo of Kiki

    January 4, 2016 at 5:38 pm

    I understand this mindset…making no decisions surely means no judgments for failure. However no decisions or goals/resolutions is a decision. Three years ago I read about the “one word” resolution and I have subscribed to this thought every since. You spend time really thinking about a word that will embody your goals and desires for a better life and that is your resolution. My first word was balance…this word can be a side note word for every year but I was more aware of trying to find balance that year. In 2015 my word has been intentional and I have really claimed this for my life and have seen positive healthy growth-intentionally. It is January 4th and I am still searching for my 2016 word. It will come soon and my year will be off in a focused way aimed at success and not counting the losses as negative but untapped strengths to be gained.

    • Profile photo of Mags

      January 5, 2016 at 2:14 pm

      Yeah, of course not setting any goals does not get you anywhere. I have found ways to add that focus without the triggering it used to bring. It reminds me of my sisters. Two of whom “started their own business” and they ended up doing a total of nothing (I mean nothing, not a single client / item sold). When I set up shop, they responded with tales of caution. Are you sure? You need discipline for that. Errr… thanks for the vote of confidence guys. Now two years later I am busier than I thought possible.
      Anyway what I am trying to say is, that they had no real goals, no idea of where they wanted to take things. Just a long list of circumstances that needed to come true before they would be able to get it to work. That is not how life works though, you have to make the circumstances happen. Don’t make wishes, make plans.

      I like the one word idea too, I am going to let that stew for a while :)

      Fly Free, Mags


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