Everything about Emotional Abuse is aimed at making you doubt yourself. It tears down your self-esteem and makes you believe horrible lies about yourself. To top it all off, it makes you believe that you bear all the blame.
When you are born to emotionally abusive parents, you are fed these messages from the very day you are born…
My mother used to tell me I was fat even before I was born, because everyone thought I was twins. She laughingly told anyone who attended her parties, that I was an alcoholic by age one, when I would drink the last drops from her waste glass bottles. She told me I was lazy, and dirty, and undisciplined. She filled my head and my heart with these ideas. I believed her, every part of it. I believed that I would not amount to anything. I knew with certainty that I was unlovable and doomed.
Why wouldn’t I? She is my mother.
We are not just socially programmed to believe our parents, we are biologically wired to do so.
This is why the children of emotional abusers so often repeat this pattern. The beliefs we hold about ourselves make us the perfect targets for toxic partners, managers, friends or religious leaders.
As the child of an emotional bully, we grow up without a sense of self. We are an extension of our parent, a tool for their emotional needs. We do not only suffer low self-esteem, we suffer from low self-awareness. We are taught to ignore our instincts, our gut feelings, our inner-voices. Whatever you call them. We are meant to disappear.
It leaves a great battle in our heads, between exciting and disappearing.
How are we supposed to understand this? We don’t know anything else!
This is what healing is: learning to exist again.