Woman staring into sunset

The last few days I went through something I think we all experience from time to time. Those flashes of self-doubt, when your head fills with questions like: ‘Did I make it all up?’ or ‘Was it really all that bad?’

The Voice of Doubt

It is at these times that the abuser’s programming takes hold again. One of the reasons why emotional abuse is so very difficult to pin point is because everything is deniable and explainable. It is always the victim that ‘misunderstood’ or is ‘too sensitive’. Or even worse ‘made it all up, just to make our abuser look bad‘.

When the voice of doubt hits, it is telling me those same things. It says: Are you sure you did not misunderstood? Or it snarls: Maybe you are being too sensitive? And then it adds: Did you make this all up?

The whole time my rational mind tells me to ignore the Voice of Doubt. There is however only so much my rational mind can do, in the face of abusive programming.

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Then I Shared a Sad Memory

I was not dwelling on the past or anything, but I was talking to a friend about her past. As we were talking she triggered a memory of a horrible episode in my past. Just like that, the voice of doubt was shut up. Remembering that very dark place, made me remember how real my pain was.

I did not end up in a dark place. I did not dwell on the memory. It just popped my little doubt balloon, and went on its merry way.

Remembering Isn’t Always Reliving

In this case the sad memory served a positive purpose. Remembering the pain, helped me reconnect to my lovely life now.

Remembering your story does not mean you have to relive the pain, or do heavy soul searching. Your story is part of you, it does not have to continue hurting you.

These are the words our Nova used to describe dealing with memories, and what it brings her:

Today I am thinking that the memories coming up from me are like little bees. They can sting me once, right at first—-but then I look at the situation with new eyes and see how very, very wrong she was. That sets me free, one sting at a time. This is the process.

This is what we do here, have done for two years now, in articles, on the forum, in comments — with love and compassion we share, and cleanse and heal together. And my “bee” memories bring back honey to me. The honey is the love and support for my hive, and I try my best to share it forward to others who may still be hurting.

How do you feel about your memories? Have you experienced the positive effects of sad memories too? Leave us a message below or join us on the forum to share privately.

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Having gained experience while working for a variety of European non-profits, I am proud to now work with SwanWaters. My connection with the website is not only professional. I am glad to tap into my personal experiences to help those who are living in toxic relationships whether with parents, partners or in their professional life. We need to make the world more aware of the devastating effects of emotional abuse and help more people on their way to heal and thrive.

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