Escape from Abuse is hard, and it almost always means an uptick in the abuse itself. It is therefore important that you plan, prepare, get help and keep yourself safe.
Responding to bad news or difficult life circumstances is always tricky, and this one is especially complex. So, I will take you through it step by step.
The idea that abuse does not happen behind white picket fences or always leaves bruises is just something we tell ourselves. It makes it easier to process. It means we can think of an abuser as a monster, instead of a neighbor.
In my experience it has been far harder to deal with the Flying Monkey, than with the actual abuser(s). I felt far more confused, hurt and unbalanced after encounters, than I did for example in the aftermath of no contact.
Anger is a very powerful emotion. One which society tends to feel is bad and self-indulgent. Yet it has the potential to benefit our relationships.
Perfection is an allusive goal, and one NO-ONE reaches, EVER! And although striving for your best is great, being a perfectionist can be downright harmful.
If she would meet a sphinx and be given the riddle: Nobody is perfect, what are you? She would be stuck!
This process is called ‘dosing’. It means giving the target a little bit of a break, or a small kindness in order for them to stay put.
Weapons of abuse all result in a target losing his or her sense of reality in favor of a parallel existence dominated by the whims of another person.