Escaping an abusive situation is difficult, if not full on dangerous. Preparing your escape will make you more likely to get out and stay out. Here is some advice to consider while getting ready.
One way I like to reflect on my healing journey is to look back over my own writing. It gives me glimpses of how far I’ve come.
As survivors our alarm bells go a little bit haywire.What we need to look for: Is this a toxic pattern or is this a one-off?
The short-coming isn’t in the emotional pain you feel. The short-coming is in our collective inability to understand that there is no time-line for healing.
For your convenience and reading pleasure: a round-up of all the articles that SwanWaters has shared this week. Happy Sunday!
Responding to bad news or difficult life circumstances is always tricky, and this one is especially complex. So, I will take you through it step by step.
The idea that abuse does not happen behind white picket fences or always leaves bruises is just something we tell ourselves. It makes it easier to process. It means we can think of an abuser as a monster, instead of a neighbor.
In my experience it has been far harder to deal with the Flying Monkey, than with the actual abuser(s). I felt far more confused, hurt and unbalanced after encounters, than I did for example in the aftermath of no contact.
Anger is a very powerful emotion. One which society tends to feel is bad and self-indulgent. Yet it has the potential to benefit our relationships.
This process is called ‘dosing’. It means giving the target a little bit of a break, or a small kindness in order for them to stay put.