Escaping an abusive situation is difficult, if not full on dangerous. Preparing your escape will make you more likely to get out and stay out. Here is some advice to consider while getting ready.
One way I like to reflect on my healing journey is to look back over my own writing. It gives me glimpses of how far I’ve come.
As survivors our alarm bells go a little bit haywire.What we need to look for: Is this a toxic pattern or is this a one-off?
The short-coming isn’t in the emotional pain you feel. The short-coming is in our collective inability to understand that there is no time-line for healing.
The idea that abuse does not happen behind white picket fences or always leaves bruises is just something we tell ourselves. It makes it easier to process. It means we can think of an abuser as a monster, instead of a neighbor.
“Why did she not leave?” seems the standard in talking about abuse. We need to stop that. Why not ask “why he abuse her?” or even better “how can I help?”
Fear is an emotion of negative influence and the sooner you learn to push past the fear and recognize it for what it is, you will find new peace.
This process is called ‘dosing’. It means giving the target a little bit of a break, or a small kindness in order for them to stay put.
Alas most of you can relate to the duality of living with abuse. Covering up the scars – visible or not. Never showing your fears or anxiety.
Our most immediate association with the word violence is of physical aggression. But you can utterly destroy a person, and never lay a hand on them.