Escaping an abusive situation is difficult, if not full on dangerous. Preparing your escape will make you more likely to get out and stay out. Here is some advice to consider while getting ready.
One way I like to reflect on my healing journey is to look back over my own writing. It gives me glimpses of how far I’ve come.
The short-coming isn’t in the emotional pain you feel. The short-coming is in our collective inability to understand that there is no time-line for healing.
Recently a dear friend and fellow-survivor lost her toxic mother and it got us to talking about grief. I sometimes wonder how I will respond when I find out.
Let me say this about that turn of phrase ‘the right to see their grandchild’. I think that, when they chose to be abusive to you, they forfeited any rights to your children.
Toxic people and abusers are experts on jealousy. They cannot bear the thought of anyone having something they don’t have, or experiencing something they are not experiencing.
Parentification and infantalization are strategies to make the victim feel both responsible
Whether by denial, lying or being covertly abusive – phrasing what they say very carefully to intentionally hurt you – an abuser will use gaslighting as just one weapon in an arsenal of many. The tactic is used to alienate and isolate you from others, most especially your loved ones or co-workers.
The silent treatment is commonly used by narcissists and sociopaths. It is dished out as punishment, and means the victim ceases to exist in their world.
That is the closest my sister ever came to expressing a longing for a different kind of relationship with her mother.