No Contact is the act of taking away the abuser’s ability to contact you. Learn more about what No Contact is, how it work and what to expect from it.
In this podcast about my no contact anniversary, I talk about more complicated emotions like anger and guilt, and how sometimes we feel tired of recovery.
My early life was very confusing. I was always told off and yet most of the time I knew I had done nothing wrong. Being the daughter of a single mother I often wished that my father was there to protect me, but I didn’t know him. He left my mother before I could recollect any memories of him.
“I am going to come out and say this: my parents are not nice people! They are excellent actors, and within their community they are respected and even admired. Behind closed doors they scheme and lie.” It has taken M years to find a way to deal with her parents.
There is a fine balance between being prepared for legitimate threats, and just being anxious and obsessive.
Whether by denial, lying or being covertly abusive - phrasing what they say very carefully to intentionally hurt you - an abuser will use gaslighting as just one weapon in an arsenal of many. The tactic is used to alienate and isolate you from others, most especially your loved ones or co-workers.
The silent treatment is commonly used by narcissists and sociopaths. It is dished out as punishment, and means the victim ceases to exist in their world.
No contact is not always easy. There were times when I feel so utterly alone in the world, so disconnected. I am done allowing them to play games with me…
One of the things we survivors of abuse have in common is the inability to get our abuser to just go away after the relationship is over.
When choosing to establish boundaries toward our toxic parents, many survivors experience what can be described as a pond of guilt.