My forgiveness has nothing to do with them, and everything with me.
Even when survivors distance themselves from a toxic person, we often still hear their voice in our heads, drowning out our own inner-voice and reaffirming the doubt that was planted a long time ago. In effect, we have a bully in our head.
Since I have been away from my family, I have not missed them even for a single second. If there had been love, there had been grief.
The child of a toxic person, learns very early they're flawed. It is not you who is born broken, it is the parenting you receive that breaks you.
I see the enabling person as one who will use every trick in the book to let the toxic person get their own way.
Emotional abuse may be an elusive concept to many, for people who have been on the receiving end it is only too tangible. The effects of emotional or narcissistic abuse are many, and healing from these can be challenging.
Those who suffer at the whim of a toxic person know the silence of abuse kills. It kills your self-image and sense of worth. Reframing it takes time and effort.
“Over the last years I realise more and more that the constant feedback of me being lazy, undisciplined, self-centred and fat (as the main themes) prevented me from being a confident person, and for a long time stopped me from being a successfully independent adult.”
I am in my early fifties and have always known there was something wrong with my mother. My mother never encouraged me to be what I wanted, rather to be what she wanted me to be. I was the family caretaker, the empathiser, the fixer and confidante instead of ever being a daughter who was loved.
For so many wasted years I stayed close to my mother, because I thought who on earth would look after her if I didn’t? Well I had other siblings, but I always felt that it was me she relied on. Looking back I can see that is how she made me feel and I probably wanted to live up to that expectation, then she would know I was a good daughter.