My forgiveness has nothing to do with them, and everything with me.
Even when survivors distance themselves from a toxic person, we often still hear their voice in our heads, drowning out our own inner-voice and reaffirming the doubt that was planted a long time ago. In effect, we have a bully in our head.
It is when the narcissistic parent is disenchanted with his child that we see the true nature of this pathological relationship. The child is totally objectified.
Since I have been away from my family, I have not missed them even for a single second. If there had been love, there had been grief.
The child of a toxic person, learns very early they're flawed. It is not you who is born broken, it is the parenting you receive that breaks you.
I see the enabling person as one who will use every trick in the book to let the toxic person get their own way.
Emotional abuse may be an elusive concept to many, for people who have been on the receiving end it is only too tangible. The effects of emotional or narcissistic abuse are many, and healing from these can be challenging.
Whether we were in an abusive romantic relationship or were born to parents who delighted in making us suffer throughout our lives, it is without doubt that we are Brave (with a deliberate capital B).
Not only have we survived the bullies. We have found a way to understand how not to perpetuate the cycle of abuse. How to reach out and talk about the horrors we have lived, while at the same time learning to heal and support others. The bravest task we ever faced.
Those who suffer at the whim of a toxic person know the silence of abuse kills. It kills your self-image and sense of worth. Reframing it takes time and effort.
“Over the last years I realise more and more that the constant feedback of me being lazy, undisciplined, self-centred and fat (as the main themes) prevented me from being a confident person, and for a long time stopped me from being a successfully independent adult.”