I read that snippet of advice recently and it just struck a chord with me. How simple a dividing line is that? Over the past year, I began to consciously contemplate and apply that quote to my daily life, and to my surprise the happiness and peace in my life increased significantly.
Even when survivors distance themselves from a toxic person, we often still hear their voice in our heads, drowning out our own inner-voice and reaffirming the doubt that was planted a long time ago. In effect, we have a bully in our head.
Emotional abuse may be an elusive concept to many, for people who have been on the receiving end it is only too tangible. The effects of emotional or narcissistic abuse are many, and healing from these can be challenging.
As long as I can remember I knew my mother and I had a difficult relationship at best. I wondered why my mother doesn’t love me when I was still young.
“Over the last years I realise more and more that the constant feedback of me being lazy, undisciplined, self-centred and fat (as the main themes) prevented me from being a confident person, and for a long time stopped me from being a successfully independent adult.”
Coming from a duck family, which although outwardly gave the appearance of being a close knit family, was indeed very dysfunctional, I wanted to find people who I could love and be loved back by.
I am in my early fifties and have always known there was something wrong with my mother. My mother never encouraged me to be what I wanted, rather to be what she wanted me to be. I was the family caretaker, the empathiser, the fixer and confidante instead of ever being a daughter who was loved.
Do you ever wonder why your family might want to rob you of your joy of living? Why they are always negative and look to you to raise their spirits? Why they have crisis upon crisis and expect you to do whatever is necessary to rescue them?