I have been thinking a lot about the idea of our comfort zone. It is so often said that we have to leave our comfort zone in order to grow. Face our fears.

I have been thinking a lot about the idea of our comfort zone. It is so often said that we have to leave our comfort zone in order to grow. Face our fears.

The problem with that for me as a survivor of abuse is that for the longest time I had no comfort zone. We faced debilitating fears every day because our abuser made sure that we were always off balance, always expecting and anticipating the worst.

We did not live in our comfort zone, but we did live in a familiarity zone. As abnormal as the experience of abuse is, it becomes your normal. It is familiar, even if it is erratic, unpredictable and painful. You know what is coming, namely abuse. There is probably even a certain ebb and flow. Whereas if you were to leave? Would you find support? Would you be able to cope? Would you be safe? The answers to those questions are unsure, and the abuser will make you believe that they are no, no and no.

So when it comes to leaving your comfort zone to grow? NO! Make sure you have a comfort zone first. But also realize that you made the biggest leap into the fearful unknown ever when you walk away from your abuser.

Instead of settling for the painfully familiar – like your monkey brain probably tried to convince you to do, since it does not like the great unknown – you took a run and jumped off that cliff. Not knowing what was hiding in the deep. Not knowing if you would succeed in growing a pair of wings on the way down.

Still, you jumped. Because you wanted something better for yourself, your children, your friends, the world. You decided that the comfort of familiar did not weigh up against the pain of the abuse.

So the next time someone suggests you need to get out of your comfort zone to grow, so you should go jump out of a plane, just smile and nod and know that you jumped from a much greater height, into a much darker abyss, and without the fucking parachute. Then, get back to building yourself a comfort zone to lounge in.

we love to read your comments below

Mags

Mags

Having gained experience while working for a variety of European non-profits, I am proud to now work with SwanWaters. My connection with the website is not only professional. I am glad to tap into my personal experiences to help those who are living in toxic relationships whether with parents, partners or in their professional life. We need to make the world more aware of the devastating effects of emotional abuse and help more people on their way to heal and thrive.
Mags

Latest posts by Mags (see all)


2 comments:

  1. Profile photo of scapechi
    scapechi

    August 9, 2017 at 10:50 pm

    Sorry I had to laugh about the jumping out of a plane… I did actually do this!! TWICE!! What it made me realise is that, there is always someone there to support you, you just have to find that person, that website, that counsellor… there is help there for us!

    Reply
    • Profile photo of Mags
      Mags

      August 17, 2017 at 9:45 am

      So in your specific case jumping out of a plane helped in your comfort zone construction :) xM

      Reply

Leave a Reply


Concerns or Questions?

See our FAQs page or submit a question to our support team - we're here and happy to help.

Ask a Question
Newsletter

Subscribe to receive special offers and the latest news delivered to your inbox for free.

SIGN INTO YOUR ACCOUNT

Your privacy is important to us and we will never rent or sell your information.

 
×
FORGOT YOUR DETAILS?
×

Go up