The journey through recovery and healing after abuse is a long and winding one. It can even feel like a never-ending one…
Honestly, I get frustrated sometime too. I rage at the injustice and the pain of yet another anxiety attack, I despair at finding yet another trigger, I weep over yet another newly recovered memory. These instances become less frequent, but they seem to never truly disappear. The pain of abuse has changed us, forever.
I’m not looking for pity, I’m really not, but I’m constantly uneasy and every day it is
pretty much like getting up and going to war. Once I shift into the mindset of
‘Yeah, you’re alive. It’s tough. Let’s do what we can today,’ it’s easier.
There are still days where I have to drag myself forward.
Whoever tells you that abuse ends when the relationship ends is lying. But, luckily so is anyone who says that there is no hope.
A Commitment to Yourself, and Life
I had a conversation with someone recently who was frustrated because ‘nothing had fixed her yet’. When I probed a little deeper into the definition of ‘nothing’ I found out that she had joined some different groups and programs, but had never been an active participant in any of them.
That is the thing. Healing doesn’t happen, healing is something you DO!
There are many tools and resources to help you on your journey, but they cannot ever replace good old blood, sweat and tears. Joining a community like SwanWaters for validation and support is great, but if you never participate in any of the discussions, you are greatly limiting its potential benefit to your healing. You can read article after article on the topic of abuse and abuse recovery, but if you do not make the effort to understand it and relate it to your situation, it is not going to make any difference.
True, relating resources to yourself and your situation is hard work. It means confronting yourself, any bad behaviors you picked up along the way, dealing with your fears and standing up to the false programming. That is all pretty intense and possibly intimidating stuff. Yet, without commitment to this healing process, we are destined to repeat our mistakes.
Manifestation and the Healing Journey
A proactive attitude and a drive to get better are essential to the success of your healing journey. Without them all the therapy, community support and reading are not going to make one iota of difference.
Your potential to heal from the abuse is unequivocally linked to your commitment to doing the work. This is manifestation and the power of thought at its core.
If you are going to sit around, waiting to ‘be healed’… you may as well wait for your fairy godmother.
I think that many people see manifestation as some sort magic short cut. If I just wish to be fixed really, really hard, it will magically appear.
I think manifestation is about knowing where you want to go and adopting a mindset that will get you there. In that sense the manifestation is merely the commitment to your goals, and it does not replace the journey toward healing.
Without a healing mindset you cannot heal, with it you will not stop until you do…
The Healing Mindset
So, what is my healing mindset? It is about my expectation and attitude toward my healing journey. Some days are easier than others, some topics are easier than others too… Here are the 9 statements that make up my healing mindset:
- I want to heal and recover from the pain and trauma in my past.
- I am not to blame for what happened to me, but I take responsibility for my healing.
- I will kindly and gently confront myself and any bad behavioral traits I developed as a result of the abuse.
- I will actively look for resources and support that work for me, and help me on my journey.
- I commit to learning and internalizing information on abuse and recovery.
- I will allow myself rest, and practice self-care.
- I am committing to myself and life, and meeting the challenge of healing with a positive attitude.
- I will forgive myself for not being perfect, for not recognizing the abuse sooner, for making mistakes, for having setbacks or struggles.
- I will celebrate my victories!
Your list might be slightly different from mine, after all you need to find out what works for you (see point 4).
I just ask that you will always leave in ‘gently’, ‘with kindness’, ‘forgiveness’ and ‘celebrate my victories’. We survivors so often forget to apply those to ourselves (while we are masters of offering them to pretty much anyone else), and they are cornerstone concepts.
Good luck on your healing journey!