A large part of our healing success will come from our mindset. By that I do not mean that we have to constantly hold on to some sugar coated idea of positivity, far from it in fact. We do however have to cultivate a basic belief in and commitment to our healing.

Healing from abuse really is a journey. At times, it can be hard work, and often brings up a variety of painful emotions: frustration, fear, catharsis, ecstasy, rage, and panic. But it also brings with it the beautiful feelings of release, joy, lightness, connection, and empowerment. As Liz Smith of The Connected Life says, “You can’t let the good in without the bad.” Essentially, to be full-rounded people, we’ve got to be open to feeling everything. Not just the pleasant things. But no matter what you’re feeling just remember that making a commitment to heal from abuse is absolutely worth your while.

Whoever tells you that abuse ends when the relationship ends is either lying or ignorant. But so is anyone who says that there’s no hope. Healing and recovery after abuse is a long and winding road—it can even feel like a never-ending one. But long-term effort leads to long-term results, which is something I know to be true from my own personal healing journey, and from having the honor of working with other survivors for the last 5 years as the director of SwanWaters.

Healing myself after experiencing psychological abuse in my Family of Origin—as well as surviving an abusive boss—has shown me that this journey isn’t all butterflies and rainbows. I’d say it’s butterflies, rainbows, spiders, and hurricanes. I get frustrated, I rage at the injustice and the pain of yet another anxiety attack, I despair at finding yet another trigger, and weep over yet another newly recovered memory. These instances become less frequent, but they never seem to truly disappear. The pain of abuse has changed us forever. But change can lead to good things if we let it!

For example, owning my journey and meeting the SwanWaters CEO Wanda Goodman led me to be where I am today. I’m now married to the man I’ve loved for the best part of 15 years, am the proud mama of two fur babies, and am the director of an organization that supports people to heal! Accepting that bad and good feelings must both be a part of this process is a huge part of having The Healing Mindset.

We mustn’t get bogged down in negativity, but we also need to make sure we’re not buying into some sugar-coated idea of positivity. It’s about being realistic with a healthy dose of optimism. If you believe that you’re forever broken, then chances are that’s what will happen. Yet if you keep reminding yourself that you have what it takes to build a life you love, you’ll be unstoppable!

The contents of this module about The Healing Mindset are

  • Healing is a Verb
  • Four Big Truths about Healing From Abuse
  • What Is Holding You Back?
  • Positivity Without Repression
  • Stay Positive By Embracing the Negative
  • Define Your Healing Mindset (download)
  • Can Resilience Be Learned? You Betcha! (Bonus)

  To gain access to this module, join The Healing Academy today!

Already a member? Log in at the top right corner of the page

Mags

Mags

Having gained experience while working for a variety of European non-profits, I am proud to now work with SwanWaters. My connection with the website is not only professional. I am glad to tap into my personal experiences to help those who are living in toxic relationships whether with parents, partners or in their professional life. We need to make the world more aware of the devastating effects of emotional abuse and help more people on their way to heal and thrive.
Mags

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One comment:

  1. Michelle Jones

    July 28, 2016 at 8:17 pm

    This is beautiful because I’m seeing it first hand. Dealing with the effects of the abuse and understanding that I’m important and I deserve to take care of myself is helping understand that I am important. As a wife and mother of three beautiful children, often I put myself last. Yet in seeing myself as important, I realize that caring for myself is not only needed and healthy but required.

    If I understand that I need to take care of me then I can more effectively take care of others around me. I will try every day to do something for me. Even if it’s giving myself a hug or telling myself I tried my best today, that is something for me.

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