Why are boundaries so important? They distinguish self from other. Boundaries are about me deciding what is important in my life, and what I want to spend my time, my energy, my attention, my whatever. Boundaries are not just about saying no, but also about what you decide to say yes to.
One of the reasons why boundaries are particularly important within recovery, is that abusers don’t do boundaries. Typically they see their targets as an extension of themselves. Setting boundaries becomes really complicated for targets because
A) we’re not used to it and
B) when we do implement boundaries within a toxic relationship either they’re not respected or it gets us into trouble, it triggers an attack. So, we become really insecure about being allowed to set boundaries.
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*This article is based on the podcast Mags and Michael recorded on How to Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries.