Open Road

I bet you did not know that today is Forgiveness Day! It is always a touchy subject, but one I think that we need to keep discussing on SwanWaters. Forgiveness is hard! I get that, really I do! I mean, I am right there with you. Somewhere between anger, guilt, blame and responsibility. I just firmly believe that forgiveness is an important step in our healing journey. A step that has nothing to do with my abusers, and everything to do with my inner-peace. In fact, I don’t think it is a step at all. Forgiveness is a journey in and of itself.


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Here is what some of you thought out it:

I found that forgiveness had to be about me forgiving myself. Like many survivors, I blamed myself for the abuse I endured. Forgiveness for survivors doesn’t mean what it does for others, because we forgive the abuse over and over–it’s what keeps us there. Forgiveness was about no longer giving the memories any power over me emotionally or physically.

Emotional Abuse Survivors Recovery by Aubrey Cole


Forgiveness is not that free pass for the abuser, it is not even sweeping your story under the rug (again). I think it is about owning your story and being at peace with it. I have no interest in grudges,
I have enough baggage with just my pain and grief ♥

Mags Thomson


Unforgiveness is like an acid. The acid harms the vessel that carries it more than the object it might be poured upon. Don’t hold ACID in your heart. You can forgive and still own your Truth. When you own your Truth, that is ultimate forgiveness for yourself. Nothing is more important than that.

Wanda Goodman

 

Some Forgiveness Day Reading

Why not delve into the topic a bit more today, it seems like the best day for it :)


The importance of Self-forgiveness

Fun with dandelions

Why forgiveness renders such a powerful emotional response is because we feel that we are somehow ‘letting our abuser get away with it’. As toxic people notoriously do not take any responsibility for their actions, maybe we feel that we at least should hold them accountable. Yet forgiveness has nothing to do with accountability, responsibility or even blame. It also does not mean that just because you forgive your abuser, you have to go back for more abuse.
Read more >>> 

Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys

Family of Monkeys

It is a sense of responsibility that often triggers a huge amount of guilt in the Swan when they decide to change or leave the relationship. Even when we realize the toxicity of the situation, deep down we continue to feel that responsibility. And, unfortunately, that too often translates into the world’s biggest guilt trip.
Read more >>> 

Force of Forgiveness

man-praying

If you have difficulty even imagining yourself feeling forgiveness toward your abuser, please be patient with yourself. The desire to move beyond the sharing and validation stage is something that occurs at differing times for differing people. Talking and sharing with all types of survivors at various stages of their journey will help you compare and validate as you progress.
Read more >>>


Don’t Go It Alone

Oh, and if you need some support on your day of forgiveness, it is also Take Your Dog to Work Day so you can cuddle in the office while contemplating forgiveness 😉

Share your thoughts on forgiveness below, I am always curious to hear what you think.

Mags

Mags

Having gained experience while working for a variety of European non-profits, I am proud to now work with SwanWaters. My connection with the website is not only professional. I am glad to tap into my personal experiences to help those who are living in toxic relationships whether with parents, partners or in their professional life. We need to make the world more aware of the devastating effects of emotional abuse and help more people on their way to heal and thrive.
Mags

Latest posts by Mags (see all)

   

I bet you did not know that today is Forgiveness Day! It is always a touchy subject, but one I think that we need to keep discussing on SwanWaters.

2 comments:

  1. Keira

    July 17, 2015 at 11:23 pm

    Understanding the different forms of forgiveness was incredibly helpful for me … I was always taught only one form of it …

    I would be abused, try to bring up the mistreatment, then be immediately told that I was “unforgiving” and my worship to god would not be accepted because of my ‘unforgiving spirit’ … Which was confusing because the abuse they served out was always invalidated. It was spoken of as never happening/ or as being misunderstood by me … so how was I to ‘forgive’ something which they claim never happened? (I realize now that they were just reaching into their bag of tricks throwing out whatever they could – whether it made sense or not – in order to shut me up so they didn’t have to have their conscience pricked)

    So, as I came to learn by their behavior, forgiveness meant – sweeping under the rug any abuse from them – not addressing the issue – not even SPEAKING about the issue (as that was ‘disrespectful’) and then I had to live with the pain from their past behavior and accept whatever future abuse was coming my way … and do so quietly. Forgiveness was something that was DEMANDED by people who never showed signs of remorse or apology …

    Is it any wonder that the idea of ‘forgiveness’ has always made me cringe? I am happy to have a much fuller (and healthier) understanding of what is involved in forgiveness now. Thank goodness!
    KR

    Reply
    • Profile photo of Monkey
      Monkey

      July 20, 2015 at 6:47 pm

      Hey Keira,

      So lovely to hear from you. Yes, forgiveness is a tough cookie, and it is so often used against us. It is a method of control, it is that free pass type of forgiveness.

      It is not just the abusers that tell us to forgive though. I think people want us to “forgive” so we can shuffle all the uncomfortable truths back under the carpet…

      Healing requires airing out the dirty laundry, that is one of the things we do on the forums here. Talking through our past, so we can let it go. Forgiveness is more about acceptance than anything else I think.

      xMonkey

      Reply

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