Going No Contact is the process of cutting contact with an abuser or toxic person in order to protect yourself from their influence. It is often the only option for a survivor to really move on and heal from the abusive relationship. It is often a complex decision for the target, in part because it is so greatly misunderstood by outsiders. They often see the decision to go no contact as a form of revenge or punishment, which makes it even more difficult and complex for the target to implement this ultimate act of self-care.
I did not have close loving ties to my family,
I had nothing but sticky stinky strings.
In order to help your understanding, and support you in your decision to go no contact, here are some of our resources on the topic.
We asked Monkey and Aubrey about their own experiences with no contact. Monkey established no contact with her parents a little over 3.5 years ago, and Aubrey did the same with her ex-husband almost 4 years ago. Here is what they had to say.
No Contact and Victim Blaming
No Contact is frequently challenged in the same vein as questioning what a victim of rape was wearing. It doesn’t matter what the victim was wearing, she was raped. It doesn’t matter what the abuser was saying, the target was fearful/damaged/sickened.
5 Things I Did Not Expect from No Contact
I didn’t know what to expect when I went NC, except that I knew it would probably drive him up a wall to not have instant access to me. Now, over four years later, I can safely say there are five things that happened which I did not expect from going NC.
Channeling “The Juice”
You know the saying, “You don’t have to attend every fight you are invited to?” No Contact is what helps you remove yourself from the constant cycle of drama and pain with the abuser. Time and time again, your response has been turned back around on you through a crazy gaslighting scenario, because the abuser was still able to call, email, text…
You Know What? This is About ME!
The most painful response I have received after telling someone about my decision to cut contact with my parents was: ‘You can’t, you will break their soul‘. Why, after half a lifetime of pain and damage does the world still expect me to prioritize my abusers’ pain over my own?
Why is the world telling me that I matter less than my abuser?
A Pond of Guilt
When choosing to establish boundaries many survivors experience what could be described as a pond of guilt. We are trained so well by a Emotional Bully to attend to their needs rather than our own, and sometime even our biological make-up tells us that our parents or spouses are to be believed. It is no wonder then that seeing their true face, and prioritizing our own need for mental stability over their needs, is a huge emotional undertaking.