See, other than a tool, a means to her end, my mother had no interest in me. In her mind, there is no me, no individuality, no personality… in fact there is no person.

Have you ever felt that someone did not grasp the idea of you having a life outside of your relationship to them? That the very idea that you might be busy when they call upon you is beyond them? Yeah, a toxic person has that tendency. The whole world revolves around them, after all.

My mother was the same. When she would ask for a favor, answering that you were busy was just not going to cut it (even when I was an adult). It goes further than that though. It really seems sometimes that she has no concept of time and life passing when I am outside her view.

She has no idea about interests I developed beyond my teenage years (and even then, she only really knows the ones that were loud. Like the music I played (she hates music) and the extra-curricular activities I did in school). See, other than a tool, a means to her end, my mother had no interest in me. In her mind, there is no me, no individuality, no personality… in fact there is no person.

So, when she called me a few weeks before I cut contact, and I did not answer my phone, that was annoying to her. I called back within a few minutes, and when she demanded a reason why I had not answered I explained I had been in the bathroom. She then continued a conversation about nothing in particular. There was no urgency at all, just chit chat. When I ended the call I realized that it was a normal work day for me (but I was off sick). Had I been in the office the chances of me answering her call, or even returning it so quickly would have been slim to none… But in her mind, I only pop into existence when she contacts me….

Have you ever had this experience too?

Fly Free,
Mags

we love to read your comments below

Mags
While I may technically be the Director here at SwanWaters, my unofficial title is Healing Cheerleader! I’m a survivor of childhood emotional abuse and workplace bullying. And believe me when I say that I’ve walked the walk when it comes to healing from trauma. I firmly believe that we can undo some of the damage that abuse has done to us, and learn the necessary skills to handle life and all it brings us.

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