I truly don’t remember a time in my life when I did not feel shame. We’re not talking about the same thing as guilt.
That’s what happens when you spend your days in an emotional foxhole, trying to anticipate another person’s moods and make sense of crazy
Remember that when you are dealing with your abuser you will need to have a clear idea for yourself of what you consider a “winning” outcome.
One of the things we survivors of abuse have in common is the inability to get our abuser to just go away after the relationship is over.
We hear a lot about Karma, people saying, “Oh, don’t you worry… he/she will get his/hers.” The problem is we look at Karma the wrong way. We are so used to keeping score in the relationship because, in an abuse dynamic, everything is transactional.
Even the most well-meaning person, if not the survivor of abuse, can ask themselves why did she not leave the situation? (Or he of course, since men are targets of domestic abuse too) After all, it’s a logical question, particularly when the target stays in the abusive relationship sometimes for decades. It’s so incredibly hard to understand if you have not lived it, but for those of us who have, there are four common reasons behind why we stay.
As you walk this road recovery, know that it’s perfectly fine to have those moments of mourning. You lost something and it was huge. Grief is normal
The target spends so much time living for the abuser, trying to anticipate every need and whim, the core of who they are becomes hidden, it’s identity theft
Fear is an emotion of negative influence and the sooner you learn to push past the fear and recognize it for what it is, you will find new peace.
Isolation is a typical tactic of the abuser. It is also one of their best weapons. You become more reliant on him or her for companionship and connection.