So let me start by saying that the positive we will we consider here is not some perky-pants denial accompanied by a chirpy, “Oh, I’m fine!” Why? You aren’t fine.
While I expected that No Contact would give me more day-to-day respite from the crazy, I didn’t expect that I would feel so much better physically.
I did not think there was more full-on crazy, but me going No Contact revealed a whole new level. It was a relief to see that I was clearly not the problem.
By going No Contact, I blocked his ability to turn me inside out emotionally on a dime. So while it brought out the crazy in him, it helped me balance
I didn’t see this coming: People who didn’t understand what No Contact actually is and wanted to lecture me about how I should “find a way to get along.”
No Contact is a term I didn’t even grasp at the time I decided to do it. So for better or worse, I didn’t know what to expect when I went NC…
I truly don’t remember a time in my life when I did not feel shame. We’re not talking about the same thing as guilt.
Even the most well-meaning person, if not the survivor of abuse, can ask themselves why did she not leave the situation? (Or he of course, since men are targets of domestic abuse too) After all, it’s a logical question, particularly when the target stays in the abusive relationship sometimes for decades. It’s so incredibly hard to understand if you have not lived it, but for those of us who have, there are four common reasons behind why we stay.
As you walk this road recovery, know that it’s perfectly fine to have those moments of mourning. You lost something and it was huge. Grief is normal