Our self-talk can be absolutely brutal. But why is that? We are most definitely capable of compassion, why do we struggle so much with self-compassion?
It took many years for me to understand that guilt and shame are two entirely different things with vastly different impacts.
When you first think of going no contact with your abuser, you may think that it’s as simple as just ignoring the phone calls. There is more to it than that.
In this podcast about my no contact anniversary, I talk about more complicated emotions like anger and guilt, and how sometimes we feel tired of recovery.
Here’s where the uninformed become proxy abusers: when they assume that No Contact is another version of “I’m punishing you so I’m not going to talk to you.”
I truly don’t remember a time in my life when I did not feel shame. We’re not talking about the same thing as guilt.
Even when survivors distance themselves from a toxic person, we often still hear their voice in our heads, drowning out our own inner-voice and reaffirming the doubt that was planted a long time ago. In effect, we have a bully in our head.
Learning to recognize the hidden message is paramount when you are trying to free yourself from a toxic person’s influence so we created an Abuse Dictionary
Many survivors of abuse chose to "go no contact" with their abuser. It is a state in which we deny the abuser direct access to us. We are often accused of selfishness (especially those who cut contact with their parents or siblings), but no contact is not about the abuser.
We hear a lot about Karma, people saying, “Oh, don’t you worry… he/she will get his/hers.” The problem is we look at Karma the wrong way. We are so used to keeping score in the relationship because, in an abuse dynamic, everything is transactional.