Here’s where the uninformed become proxy abusers: when they assume that No Contact is another version of “I’m punishing you so I’m not going to talk to you.”
PTSD really is a normal response to trauma. In this PTSD podcast Aubrey and Monkey talk about everything from what it is, to how it can manifest.
When feeling anxiety we can't understand where the fear is originated, or differentiate between fake and real threads. Everything becomes life or death
In my experience it has been far harder to deal with the Flying Monkey, than with the actual abuser(s). I felt far more confused, hurt and unbalanced after encounters, than I did for example in the aftermath of no contact.
There is a fine balance between being prepared for legitimate threats, and just being anxious and obsessive.
Whether by denial, lying or being covertly abusive – phrasing what they say very carefully to intentionally hurt you – an abuser will use gaslighting as just one weapon in an arsenal of many. The tactic is used to alienate and isolate you from others, most especially your loved ones or co-workers.
The silent treatment is commonly used by narcissists and sociopaths. It is dished out as punishment, and means the victim ceases to exist in their world.
Many survivors of abuse chose to "go no contact" with their abuser. It is a state in which we deny the abuser direct access to us. We are often accused of selfishness (especially those who cut contact with their parents or siblings), but no contact is not about the abuser.
We hear a lot about Karma, people saying, “Oh, don’t you worry… he/she will get his/hers.” The problem is we look at Karma the wrong way. We are so used to keeping score in the relationship because, in an abuse dynamic, everything is transactional.
Survivors of abuse feel isolated by the dysfunctional chaos around them, and think escape is impossible. Connecting with peers is key to the healing journey