I cannot even count the number of times people have said to me: You can't just cut contact, they are your parents! Guess what? Yes, I can!

I cannot even count the number of times people have said to me: You can’t just cut contact, they are your parents! Guess what? Yes, I can!

It took me many years to come to that conclusion, but yes I can. Why would I allow room in my life for people who absolutely drain it of fun, love and enjoyment? My parents’ contribution to my life was to make me feel miserable, so why would I allow that to continue?

One time, in utter desperation, I said to my partner: if my parents had beaten me to a pulp every day, would your folks still think I should reconcile? I would like to think they would not. That was my choice though. My parents consistently beat me to a mental pulp. If I had a “friend” who treated me in the same way, I am sure people would not tell me just to deal with it, or that it is unfair on said friend to cut contact. It is only biology people. I have no bond with my parents. I am sure they are playing the martyr to anyone who will listen, but that is just strategy. If we had a loving bond, I would never have felt that leaving was the only option I had. I even told them that is how I felt, about a year and a half before requesting no more contact, so they cannot even claim it surprised them (well, they can of course, but they would be lying).

It takes some time to realize, but you are in control of what and who you allow in your life. Even if the road is hard and long, deciding to stop engaging with your abuser is a decision you can make.

Just like filling your life with loving supportive friends, is your choice.

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While I may technically be the Director here at SwanWaters, my unofficial title is Healing Cheerleader! I’m a survivor of childhood emotional abuse and workplace bullying. And believe me when I say that I’ve walked the walk when it comes to healing from trauma. I firmly believe that we can undo some of the damage that abuse has done to us, and learn the necessary skills to handle life and all it brings us.

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