The short-coming isn't in the emotional pain you feel. The short-coming is in our collective inability to understand that there is no time-line for healing.

Do you get those days? When you are feeling down in the dumps, tired, triggered, beating up on yourself… and then you say: you are such a weakling for letting this get to me!

Hey, I hear you! I have been at this healing thing for a few years now, and I still get the odd day like that. Wondering why I cannot just get over it, switch it off, move on, let go… And that is the thing. We are constantly bombarded with society’s demand of switching off, moving on and letting go. There really isn’t time or space for emotional and spiritual pain or healing in our fast-paced, go-getting, 24/7, high-performance, perfect efficiency type world. It is bad enough that you needed sick leave to deal with the flue, but now you are telling me you have PTSD? I can’t see anything wrong with you, therefore you must be exaggerating or worse; making it up!

Let me reassure you: Emotional pain is not a shortcoming!

In the words of R.E.M.: Everybody Hurts (Sometimes). We just happen to live in a society of instant fixes and constant pressure to function at peak efficiency.

Feel a cold coming on? Take some pills.
Don’t like the look of your skin? Hide it under this layer of make-up.
Don’t like the size of your waistline? Drink this chemically engineered protein shake.

We are constantly applying duct tape solutions to our lives, but guess what? Your soul doesn’t stop bleeding just because your taped it up. We need time, space, love, understanding and compassion to rebuild the parts of ourselves that were damaged. How does the saying go? We are human-beings, not human-doings. Neither are we human-cog-in-the-machine-of-the-24-hour-economy, by the way.

The short-coming isn’t in the emotional pain you feel. As frustrating as healing can get sometimes. I believe the short-coming is in our collective inability to understand that there is no time-line for healing. There are no SMART goals, no linear path and especially no duct tape. Healing is ugly crying, fits of anger, moments of heartbreak, euphoric victories, hysterical laughter. Healing is connection, compassion and patience.

So, the next time you feel like you should be “over it by now”, take a deep breath and step away from the duct tape. If you find it hard to extend yourself patience and compassion, find some people who will. Reach out to our Facebook community or expose yourself to some new ideas about life.

Seriously, put down that duct tape!

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Having gained experience while working for a variety of European non-profits, I am proud to now work with SwanWaters. My connection with the website is not only professional. I am glad to tap into my personal experiences to help those who are living in toxic relationships whether with parents, partners or in their professional life. We need to make the world more aware of the devastating effects of emotional abuse and help more people on their way to heal and thrive.

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  1. scapechi

    February 8, 2018 at 9:51 pm

    I second this… It’s so easy to brush how you are feeling under the carpet and then it hits later, and usually not in the best place here. Been there a few times!

    I now allow myself the time to have those days where I do nothing, I let the emotions take over and then pick myself up and move through

    • Mags

      February 8, 2018 at 10:51 pm

      Good for you! So proud of how far you have come!

      Much love,


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