Woman being Thoughtful

I told you the story of my relationship in an earlier post, today I want to focus on the healing I did since then. Once I began to see things as they were, I began my journey from denial to healing. When I realized I could not handle my healing journey by myself, I enlisted the help of a professional. During therapy, I finally learned to break through my denial and begin taking care of myself.

Read Part 1 of This Story

I Removed Myself From the Drama

The first thing I did was initiate no contact with him. This was not very successful as he always ended up showing up at my house. He would wait at the gate for hours until he saw me. Then he would plead with me to stop trying to run away from him. He would make all these promises that all would be better. Sometimes I would fall for it, only to get back into the dramatic circle.

I finally got a chance to leave town for over a month. This was when I finally started moving forward with my life. It was hard to go cold turkey, no contact but I started to be in control. I only picked up my phone to talk to him when I wanted to.

I Picked up a Journal and Started to Practice

There had been so many things I had read about online, and I began to practice. I had to start off with forgiveness for myself, I was blaming myself for something I knew nothing about. I still found myself crying at night and wishing things were different in my life but I also knew I was going to get on my path to healing one day at a time.

I read everything I could find about emotional abuse and narcissism. I joined Facebook groups and subscribed to websites that talked about this type of abuse and how to heal (that’s how I found SwanWaters). I didn’t just gather information about it I actively practiced most of the suggestions I found.

I took long walks and often talked to myself. I also kept a journal of how I felt and what I was going through.

I did things I used to avoid like stay at home alone. I often hated sleeping alone in the house but I had to get used to that.

I had to learn to enjoy my own company.

I read and listened to a number of materials on Neuro-Linguistic Programming and practiced some of the suggested methods on how to deal with my depressive thoughts.

I had stick it notes on every corner of my house. These served as reminders of why it was important. I healed from the non-physical wounds I was sure I sustained form being a part of this person’s life.

Through it all, I was in touch with my therapist by phone (I still am to this day).

When I Doubt My Own Memories

I had a record of most of the bizarre experiences I had with this person. I had started keeping records of what he said and did when I first suspected the gaslighting. I never showed him these notes or speak about it, but it served as my personal record of what happened.

At times when I felt confused about my decisions, I would read those records and remind myself of who I was dealing with.

My Go To Resources:

I am an ardent listener of Sam Vaknin, SpartanLifeCoach and recently, Self-Care Haven on YouTube. They talk a lot about Narcissists and how they hunt, hurt and discard their preys.

Last month, I started my own Youtube channel where I talk about emotional abuse. I intend to cover other topics like Mental Health, Emotional Intelligence and Authenticity. Awareness on these issues is a big need in this part of the world (Nigeria). I know my experiences and passion about the subjects, as well as the deep need to help others going through what I went through, will continue to be my biggest motivation to do my part in ensuring a safer world for unsuspecting victims of emotional abusers.

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Ese Ark
I am a humanist. I believe it is my greatest purpose to promote human welfare. I am also an attorney, a writer and an abuse researcher. Read more on my website EseWalter.com or meet me on Facebook.

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