I don’t really understand jealousy. I mean I can be a little envious when my friend in California tells me about the weather, and I am –yet again- looking at steel grey rain clouds, but I am not jealous. I am very happy for him to enjoy the sunshine, he’s a good guy he deserves the vitamin D!

Toxic people and abusers are experts on jealousy. They cannot bear the thought of anyone having something they don’t have, or experiencing something they are not experiencing. If you receive a compliment within earshot of the narcissist, they WILL be jealous. Their response is usually two-fold:

  1. Suck up to the compliment giver;
  2. Put you down!

I know that my mother was quite often jealous of us, not just of compliments, but of our friends, of attention we were getting, of our achievements, and later on even of our financial independence.

When I tell my sisters of choice about the great outfit I got, or the overpriced haircut, they just OOO and AAA. My mother would comment on the cost, or how she does not think it suits me. Anything to take away from the joy of treating myself. I used to tell my partner to tippy toe up the stairs with the take away when we lived in the apartment in my parents’ loft space. Anything to keep them from knowing we got Chinese food. It is an indulgence that my mother would make sure to spoil it by making remarks about my weight or some such.

See, my mother does not do “simple pleasures”, in reality I think she is jealous of people who do. I think she feels she is missing out, and more importantly that she deserves not to miss out EVER!

Fly free,

we love to read your comments below

While I may technically be the Director here at SwanWaters, my unofficial title is Healing Cheerleader! I’m a survivor of childhood emotional abuse and workplace bullying. And believe me when I say that I’ve walked the walk when it comes to healing from trauma. I firmly believe that we can undo some of the damage that abuse has done to us, and learn the necessary skills to handle life and all it brings us.


  1. Mary Strozewski

    March 17, 2016 at 4:45 am

    I just now joined swanwaters, I am new to all of this. Meaning, commenting or sharing my thoughts and feelings online. I realize there are so many people in which I have so much in common with here. In fact more in common with total strangers than my family of origin. I know I’m not alone in all of this anymore. And I’m very thankful for these new ways to be able to keep in touch with my emotions. 🙂

    • Monkey

      March 17, 2016 at 9:48 am

      Hello Mary,
      I am glad you found your way here, and are beginning to realize that you are not alone in this experience. I don’t think I will ever get used to how much all our stories are similar.

      When it comes to sharing your story, it took me a little time to get started too. I always thought that other people were so much better at sharing their stories and making sense of it. The thing is that sharing and making sense are two skills that each develop the other. So even if you start with just a sentence or two, it will get you started on that journey.

      I look forward to getting to know you,



Leave a Reply

Concerns or Questions?

See our FAQs page or submit a question to our support team - we're here and happy to help.

Ask a Question

Subscribe to receive special offers and the latest news delivered to your inbox for free.


Your privacy is important to us and we will never rent or sell your information.


Go up