When I left behind my parents, part of me knew that I would eventually lose my whole family. At least if I was honest with myself. What I did not expect though, was finding a whole new family along the way.
This is something I think many survivors do not realize when they first set out on their journeys. Once you dispel the toxicity from your life, there is room for positivity and love. It will not be and overnight success, building such friendships takes time of course. What is surprising though is that, even if in the smallest way, the effect is almost instantaneous. The reason seems pretty simple to me.
While in a toxic relationship, whatever the type of relationship, we lose ourselves. Our identity become utterly intertwined with the abusers’. With our identity, we lose our authenticity. From a will to survive the abuse, we become master manipulators. Not because we are trying to hurt people, but because we are desperately trying to control every situation in order to not trigger another attack. Once we begin to let go of the toxic relationship, perhaps even before we actually leave the situation, we begin to reclaim ourselves. As we heal, we return more and more to our true identity, and with that to our own authentic energy. That is how we begin to find the right people in our lives. The people who want to connect to that spark of our being.
My family of choice, or my patchwork family as I sometimes call them, is not huge. In fact, the more I came into my authentic energy, the less I needed a lot of people around me. I guess I did not need people to drown out the loneliness any more. Some people were already in my life, and our friendship deepened and grew, others I met along the way.
I love my patchwork family, and I know they love me too. How is that for a new experience!