In this episode of the Pint-Sized Healing Podcast, Carrie Maya and I look at an old blog entry and how our thoughts and feelings have changed about this subject.
The Original Blog Post From February 20, 2016
I read a meme today: The Villain Is So Good at Playing the Victim.
That is so true for my parents, my mother especially. Playing the victim card is essentially playing to someone’s guilt. The number of times she exclaimed: it must be horrible to be my daughter! Of course, my sisters or I would immediately give in on whatever the argument was, and assure her she was a wonderful mother.
Being the victim is a great way to manipulate a situation (at least when you are not, in fact, the victim, but the villain). My mother once had my father tell me she could not sit down to talk about an issue we were experiencing because: “my communication skills were too good”. “She is just afraid to talk to you,” he said. So, I buckled and let her get away with the bad behavior. Because my mother was afraid to go out for a meal and talk things over with her 23-year-old daughter…
Yes, I had invited her out for dinner so we could talk. At some level, I must have been aware already that talking in public would be the only way I had a hope of actually having a conversation and not a shouting match. My mother had a habit of disintegrating into screams and then yell at the other person: “stop yelling at me!”
Don’t be fooled, people who create drama, and then portray themselves as the victim are playing games. They are manipulating you to behave the way they want, to distract you from an argument or to stop you from confronting them with their bad behavior.
Here is a little secret: people who “play the victim card” are almost NEVER the victim. Because usually, an actual victim is far too busy surviving.