The idea that abuse does not happen behind white picket fences or always leaves bruises is just something we tell ourselves. It makes it easier to process. It means we can think of an abuser as a monster, instead of a neighbor.
So very often, when we read about domestic abuse in mainstream media, we are talking about the victims. “Why did she not leave?” seems the golden standard in reporting about abuse. It really is a question we need to stop asking. Why not ask “why did he continue to abuse her?” or perhaps even more important “how can I help?”