It is not until you discover the wet towel someone left at the bottom of the laundry basket, that you really see the need to air that mess out.
There is a very big lie that abusers tell their targets. It is the biggest lie of all. This lie tells the target: this is all your fault!
Don’t be fooled, people who create drama, and then portray themselves as the victim are playing games. They are manipulating you.
It took many years for me to understand that guilt and shame are two entirely different things with vastly different impacts.
In this podcast about my no contact anniversary, I talk about more complicated emotions like anger and guilt, and how sometimes we feel tired of recovery.
Here’s where the uninformed become proxy abusers: when they assume that No Contact is another version of “I’m punishing you so I’m not going to talk to you.”
Does it sound weird that I am now finding pride in my history of abuse? Why though? Why would I not be?
I truly don’t remember a time in my life when I did not feel shame. We’re not talking about the same thing as guilt.