One of the things we survivors of abuse have in common is the inability to get our abuser to just go away after the relationship is over.
Even the most well-meaning person, if not the survivor of abuse, can ask themselves why did she not leave the situation? (Or he of course, since men are targets of domestic abuse too) After all, it’s a logical question, particularly when the target stays in the abusive relationship sometimes for decades. It’s so incredibly hard to understand if you have not lived it, but for those of us who have, there are four common reasons behind why we stay.
“Why did she not leave?” seems the standard in talking about abuse. We need to stop that. Why not ask “why he abuse her?” or even better “how can I help?”