I decided I was worth something. I was worth boundaries and respect. It was the day I told my parents that I’d no longer have anything to do with them
In this podcast about my no contact anniversary, I talk about more complicated emotions like anger and guilt, and how sometimes we feel tired of recovery.
There is a fine balance between being prepared for legitimate threats, and just being anxious and obsessive.
Whether by denial, lying or being covertly abusive – phrasing what they say very carefully to intentionally hurt you – an abuser will use gaslighting as just one weapon in an arsenal of many. The tactic is used to alienate and isolate you from others, most especially your loved ones or co-workers.
The silent treatment is commonly used by narcissists and sociopaths. It is dished out as punishment, and means the victim ceases to exist in their world.
One of the things we survivors of abuse have in common is the inability to get our abuser to just go away after the relationship is over.
Even the most well-meaning person, if not the survivor of abuse, can ask themselves why did she not leave the situation? (Or he of course, since men are targets of domestic abuse too) After all, it’s a logical question, particularly when the target stays in the abusive relationship sometimes for decades. It’s so incredibly hard to understand if you have not lived it, but for those of us who have, there are four common reasons behind why we stay.
Since I have been away from my family, I have not missed them even for a single second. If there had been love, there had been grief.
I cannot even count the number of times people have said to me: You can’t just cut contact, they are your parents! Guess what? Yes, I can!