In this episode, Carrie and I talk about an old blog post entitled: The Blissful World Where the Narcissist Is Never To Blame.
The Original Blog Post from March 19, 2016
Do you know how sometimes you have a bad day, and it may cause you to be a bit short with your kid or partner? And then, later, you go to them and say: I am sorry I was short with you, I was just worried/tired/busy/other, …
We all do that, right? Well, not the toxic person. They live in a blissful world where nothing is ever their responsibility. When bad things happen, it is because the world is against them! When they are raging abuse at you, it is because YOU made them angry. When they are ill, it is because you made them sick, when they fail a test, it is probably your fault for not letting them study.
Toxic people take no blame, and love playing the victim. So whatever they do, be ready for it to be your fault!
About a year after I cut contact with my parents, my father wrote me a letter. In it he assigned me blame for our distorted relationship a total of three times:
1. I had misinterpreted their concerned parenting as restrictive
2. I was being childish and should start behaving like an adult
3. I needed to mend the relationship, AND it would be hard given how I had broken contact.
He then continued to say that their door was always open, and they were not looking to assign any blame. I think what he meant to say was:
it’s all your fault and we are not taking any responsibility
(probably followed by a ‘nananananaaaaa’).
I have since learned that they blame / explain my absence by telling people I changed so much when I had an accident at age 12, that the relationship was unsalvageable. Again, not their fault but mine.
Abusers are happiest when they pretend to be the victims of their targets.
Links to Resources
We reference a video by Kit Kennedy, which you can find here.
Carrie mentioned this video by Terri Cole on co-dependency, which you can watch here.
If you want to hang out on Facebook, you can head here.
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