Since I have been away from my family, I have not missed them even for a single second. If there had been love, there had been grief.

In the last few years that I have been away from my family, I can honestly say I have not missed any of them even for a single second. I have missed the idea of having parents and sisters, but not them. Not the actual people. That to me just show I made the right choice. If there had been love, there had been grief.

I may not have grieved the loss of my family members, I did go through a grieving process.

There are still days where the feeling just overwhelms me: I am orphaned by choice. I feel so utterly alone. It is my inner-child that cries out that she just wants a hug from a parent. A big hug and the reassuring words that everything will be alright. I feel sorry for that little girl, and I am sorry for everything she had to face at a time when she should not have had to be so grown-up.

I think that is part of the grieving process. The grief of a childhood lost, grief for that lost and sad little girl. Sometimes it is hard to connect to her. to give her that hug she so desperately needs.

When I was a child I used to hide in the walls of my parents’ house. They were doing construction, and I could just squeeze in after they removed the insulation. When I think of that my inner-child, that is the feeling and the image. Hiding in the dark in a desperate attempt not to have to go with my parents. Alone and trapped.

I remember only too well, and I cry my tears for that little girl.

I am sorry you felt so alone, so trapped, so unloved, so unworthy and so unsupported.

You can come out of your wall now, everything is going to be okay!

Fly Free,

we love to read your comments below

While I may technically be the Director here at SwanWaters, my unofficial title is Healing Cheerleader! I’m a survivor of childhood emotional abuse and workplace bullying. And believe me when I say that I’ve walked the walk when it comes to healing from trauma. I firmly believe that we can undo some of the damage that abuse has done to us, and learn the necessary skills to handle life and all it brings us.

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