In this episode of the Pint-Sized Healing Podcast, Mags and Carrie reflect on a piece Stewart (Mags’ husband) wrote about his experience with her toxic family.
The Original Blog Post From October 26, 2015
Meeting that family was like walking into a house of mirrors. My perception of myself, my partner, the world… it all got distorted. And because everyone else was acting as if it was completely normal, it was very hard to figure out where all the bends on the mirrors were. I instantly noticed the oddness of this family, but it took me a while to figure it all out.
That first meeting was just the beginning, the years that followed were crazy! They interfered in our jobs, and tried to play us against each other. I don’t really want to go into the many many ways they tried to ruin us just now. I just wanted to share with you the basics of how my partner and I figured things out, and managed to escape.
Always compare notes!
Abusers are always trying to play people against each other. They spread lies and make random accusations. The best way to catch them out, is to compare notes with your partner. They may have received opposite information, just to start trouble within your relationship.
Be careful what you share with the abusers
They use all the information they can get their hands on. So putting up boundaries by being conscious about what you share is always a good idea. The less they know, the less ammunition they have.
Be open and honest with your own friends and family
This is really something that the bad experiences taught me. Because I did not confide in people about what I was experiencing, my in-laws managed to get in there first and start rumors about me with very far-reaching effects. If only I had even dropped a hint that I had a difficult relationship with them, it might have been enough for people to question the lies.