This week my dear partner said to me, “That girl in my work reminds me of who you used to be. I kinda love it when he says that because it is a great way of telling me how much I have moved on from a toxic past.

His remarks, and the stories and explanations about the situation in his work place, made me think about my own healing path. It made me think about the amazing journey that I have made these past few years. A few weeks ago I wrote this about it in my personal notes.

What it is not about

  • This healing journey is not about what my parents did, or what they did not do.
  • It is not about their intentions or actions.
  • In fact, this journey is not about them at all.
  • It is not about me being right, or them being wrong.

 What it is about:

This healing journey is about how I’ve experienced my life. It is about what l experienced, learned, and felt while growing up. As well as while setting out on my own. It is about how I view and experience the relationships with my family, and how they have influenced me. It is about the person I am and the person I want to be.

My Story is Mine And Mine Alone

The reason I have come so far on this healing journey is because I was allowed to share my story. My story. The way that I experienced it. No one judged my observations, my feelings, or the way I felt I had been shaped by my experiences. As I shared my story, I became less concerned with the viewpoints of the other actors in my story. Believe me, I am not trying to slander anyone. I am simply owning my history. I understand that my retelling of events is not objective. How can it be when I talk about my feelings and emotions?

The only way to overcome your history is to own that history. So share your story to start making sense of it. It really is the only way to heal from the toxicity of past abusive relationships. And when you feel bad or guilty about putting your story into writing, remember that it is your story you are telling—not anybody else’s. And it’s perfectly okay for you to share what belongs to you.

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While I may technically be the Director here at SwanWaters, my unofficial title is Healing Cheerleader! I’m a survivor of childhood emotional abuse and workplace bullying. And believe me when I say that I’ve walked the walk when it comes to healing from trauma. I firmly believe that we can undo some of the damage that abuse has done to us, and learn the necessary skills to handle life and all it brings us.

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One comment:

  1. atleastihadanicedad

    September 13, 2014 at 10:10 am

    It’s so funny to read this post just after I’ve finished telling my story on my website. I used this exact quote of Ann Lamott’s, too.

    I told my story over five blog posts, and I’m about to post the last one, which is a reflection. I feel the best I’ve ever felt. My mother is already suing me for defamation over emails I sent to uncles and a handful of close friends, so no doubt I’ll be getting another writ for this. But I don’t care. The weight of carrying my story silently was too great, and I needed to tell it. I feel a lot lighter, I’m a nicer mother, nicer wife. Even though I tried to tuck what had happened away, it seeped out through the cracks (and I have a few of those) and affected my family and how I related to others.

    I wish I’d told it sooner, but I didn’t realise how abused I’d been, or that I even had a story to tell.


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